Pet Peeve - "Crank That" Anything

Yooooooouuuuuuuu! Crank That Soulja Boy.

Thank God it's died down, the whole 'Soulja Boy' craze. Somewhat. There are still the Crank That Batman, Spiderman, Homeless Man, Spongebob, Grandpa, Billie Jean, Kosher Boy, Robo Cop, pretty much anyone and everything. Crank That Ruthsable? Yeah no thanks. No one wants to dance like me and I'm pretty sure everyone will agree that that is quite all right.

"Crank That Soulja Boy" will be affectionately looked back as the Macarena of 2007/2008. It's not a timeless dance like the regular country line dancing or my personal favorite, the YMCA. No, it's like the Train by the Quad City DJs which, whenever it comes on, you are reminded of earlier days in elementary school, in which case you do the dance for about 15 seconds, realize how stupid you look and stop. No, the Soulja Boy is still played at fraternity party after house party after dance hall party. And people are still going. And every time the song comes on my face falls flat of any smile that was there before. I usually make an exit or if I cannot, sit and watch everyone from my sorority sisters to middle schoolers to the 'hip' middle-aged hop around with their arms flailing.

The dance is not difficult to learn (hell, they have THE instructional video on youtube, which two of my friends watched for an hour and broke into real sweats learning the dance). It's just that no one looks good doing it. Ever. You can not look any less cool, "gangsta" or whatever when you do it.

The lyrics
"Soulja Boy Off In This Ho
Watch Me Crank It
Watch Me Roll
Watch Me Crank That Soulja Boy
Then Super Man Dat Ho
Now Watch Me Do
Crank Dat Soulja Boy"
(For more assistance, please view this video to fully enjoy the lyrical genius of this fetal rapper. I deeply appreciated this.)

Superman (taken from urbandictionary.com, one of the best websites ever because it helps me stay abreast of terminology of crackhead youth): When you are mad at your girl for not having sex with you. So when she falls asleep you masturbate and cum on her back. After that, stick the bedsheet on to her back and when she wakes up it's stuck to the cum and she has a cape like Superman!!!

"Yo, dawg, Last night my bitch was being frothy so I have her a Superman"

The kid singing it is about, what, 15? Superman that hoe? Really? Fuck that soulja boy. But not really because you'll get arrested and he's got homework that's due tomorrow. I have to remember kids are sexually active in middle school now so by the time they get to high school, they're bored of sex and need to spice things up a bit to prepare for their short-lived, god-i-hope-no-one-sees-me amateur porn careers on youporn.com. I swear, if any guy ever tried to Superman me, a fury would erupt and I would probably kill him to play out my deep hatred for Soulja Boy taken out on an innocent victim. Hopefully it's not youuuuuuu.

Final thought: Pending I get put in the "down" escalator when I die, I've already decided that Satan will make me Soulja Boy for him and his friends for the rest of eternity.