Pet Peeve - Unrequited Love

Note: This is one of those entries I've worked on for a while. It's probably one of the first ones that isn't a stream of consciousness in front of my laptop or at work (oops). In no way am I asking for phone numbers or for you to hook me up with your friend that I probably won't even like or for you to go "Oh poor Ruth I love you! You'll find someone!" (I love you too, sisters, but save it.) I write what I want, usually what pisses me off, and right now, love pisses me off. Tomorrow it'll probably be something else, like the fact my car has no air conditioning so everywhere I go, I arrive looking like I've been in a wind tunnel outside of Baghdad.
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"I've been dating since I was fifteen. I'm exhausted. Where is he?" - Charlotte, "Sex and the City" (she was like 35 but nevertheless her quote is still the truth)

Urbandictionary.com's second entry for 'unrequited love' (urbandictionary's the shit, in case you were wondering):
"Loving someone who will never love you back. If you're like me, the term will apply to someone who probably used to love you but you either didnt take the chance to fall for them, scared of being hurt, or, quite simply, blew it. And now spend your time wishing after them, wishing one day they'll love you again.
However, when one day you realize the one you love, loves you back, it gives you the most amazing, elated feeling you never thought was possible."

Oh, hello, story of my life. Except for everything after "However". I've yet to have someone love me back. I've yet to really be in love, I think. I don't know. Who the fuck knows? (Jim and Pam know and GODHELPME if they do something weird like oh, hey, Pam moved to New York and Jim broke up with her and they're all done and season five of The Office becomes some big soap between Michael and Jan and Holly while everyone's sitting here going 'Uhhhh WTF JAM?!' Weight Loss is the first episode of season five...is that a dual meaning? Did they lose each other?! AHHH September 25th! Sorry, I digress. I'm obsessed with that show.)

I did some real soul searching. Not quite, maybe just some answers that really don't mean a whole to anyone but me. I finally came up with the reason why I wear t-shirts and plaid shorts to the bar with my friends, aside from the fact that I dress for comfort, not style, and geez, I'm already 5'9", the average height of men, so let me tower over even more of the male population. I'm the one who guards the purses, sips my beer and watches the ball game while people are talking to some guy. I don't need a man to buy my drinks. I bring my own money (or the Platinum). I don't want to make empty foolish conversation with a stereotypical douche who wants to take me home. I don't go home to anyone but my cat (the only man who can lick my feet and I don't freak out). My friends, they want the date, the random hookup, the free drinks, all that shit. The problem is that I want the opposite. Nothing wrong with either kind of girl. I'm wired differently, I guess. The guys that I'm looking for aren't 21, 22 years old, juniors in college, still wanting "experience points" like we're in fucking Final Fantasy or something. The crowd I'm looking for isn't going out at 9:30 on a Tuesday for Pint Night. When I go out at 9:30 I'm like 'Shit, I'm not going to find anything. Why bother dressing up?" Even when I do dress up, it's just to appease my friends. "It's my birthday and we're all going to look nice (insert glare in my direction)."

No, the crowd I'm looking for is going out at 5:15 for Happy Hour after work in their crispy Ralph Lauren button-ups, delicious Dockers and other equally sexy business attire. (A man in a tie is like a man in uniform. Except with guys in ties, you can expect, or at least dream, that they have some serious cash to spend on you and, let's be honest, that's hot too. Hot damn I love the business/engineer majors at my school who have their internships.) You see them dressed up, coming straight from work and it's like 'Hellooooooooo.' I am marriage material, not dating material. Old-fashioned. Out of it, I guess. The club culture grates against me. Even bar culture is difficult for me. I need that speed dating method, but not really, because that's lame. I just need to have men circle around me. I'm tired of being the hunter. Someone needs to just fucking hunt me. This whole strong woman thing, sure, okay, it gets me nowhere. I come off as abrasive to about 90% of the population. So somewhere in this other 10% there's got to be a man who's equally rubbing the other 90% the wrong way. And he's got to be older, apparently, because these young men are not feeling this (points to self).

But then I would feel kind of weird dating an older guy too. I mean, I dated an older guy four years ago. He was in college and I was in high school. It wasn't that weird. This would be even weirder. I could hear the conversations.
"How was your day?"
"Oh I closed a few sales today before lunch and then met with a few clients after work to discuss our upcoming meeting. You?"
"I had an exam today and then worked my sorority fundraiser."
Two different wavelengths. Unless he was a fraternity gentleman, in which case he'd lovingly donate a few bucks to my cause (and hopefully present me with a lavalier to wear!! See, exactly, I'm too young for older guys too).

So where does this leave me exactly? Reading articles like this to hopefully reinforce my decision before I do something stupid and just hoping I can wait out college. "The guys will be more mature in high school." "The guys will be more mature in college." "The guys will be more mature in the workplace." "The guys will be more mature in the retirement home." Let's face it, they're never going to mature. It's so true when they say 'settling down'. You pretty much settle for the one who gets on the least amount of your nerves because they're never going to settle down and be good little boys. Ugh.

Sure, go ahead, say "Ruth don't worry about it. You're 22." Well, my friends are coupling off already. A few of the ones that have boyfriends are in the middle of doing the bullshit break thing before they realize that they love them too much and then get back together to plan the inevitable wedding. Pretty soon I'll be buying bridesmaid dresses and getting drunk at sorority weddings. And hey, the world is supposed to end at the end of 2012 (don't believe me? Google that shit), so I have four and a half years before we're all fucked.

I need to get on it. That's what she said.