You Don't Bring Me Anything But Down

I do like Twitter, let me tell you. Why? Because not only do my 39 followers get wonderful insight on my life, I get to keep track of other random thoughts I have throughout the day without seeming like an idiot or douchebag writer with a pen & paper or recording device.

Ted, one of my all time top five favorite coworkers from any of my jobs, randomly sent me a Facebook message, asking about Dave and myself. They went to high school together and, while he went to Notre Dame and UofChicago and Dave stayed here to go to HFCC and UMD (see the dollar sign difference?), they kinda drifted apart. Still, he was like 'Hold onto him. He's a keeper.' Seriously. A man who makes me homemade spaghetti at 10pm and breakfast burritos in the morning, when my own family denies me food, is a keeper FOR SURE.

Curb Your Enthusiasm. Seriously. AMAZING. Watch it. Please watch it. Every episode I am howling with laughter. "I stood up and asked 'Larry, would you like to make a toast?' and someone said 'Larry went home to take a shit!'"

The biggest fucking fly ever, seriously, size of a turkey, buzzing around the basement.

I love Target. But I hate anything marked 'Skinny fit'. Why?
Number one, I am not skinny.

Never have been.

Never will be.

Number two, they have that brutal tapered leg.
Number three, skinny throughout the thigh and waist is a nightmare if you're not cellulite free.
Number four, they fit so fucking awkwardly on me. I tried them on as I was clearance-rack shopping today and I found a khaki pair for 12.50. Tried it on. Normally, I'd be like 'Meh, they fit weird but whatever, 13 bucks, I need clothes for student teaching that aren't Deepher shirts or my beloved plaid shorts.' No, not these fuckers. Not even worth it for 12.50. (I did, however, find a gray pair with flairs and a normal fit for the same price.)

And why do I love Target? Aside from it has everything I could ever want except for alcohol, the clearance racks are To Die For. For the first time since I've grown breasts (1994?) I bought a bathing suit from Target, first suit I picked up and tried on this season, right size, right fit, everything. Built-in rack shelf, black AND on clearance for 25 bucks. ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?! I almost erupted in applause in the dressing room.

I seriously think they need to have an 'Overheard in Child Care', because kids say the funniest shit ever. I did find an 'Overheard in Detroit', which is so amazing. "Middlebelt?! I know where that is!" Hasn't been updated in a year and a half. Damn.

"What is it with white people and pepperoni & mushroom pizza?" - Brad, coworker. So true. You can stereotype people by their pizza and/or what they order.

Pepperoni & Mushroom = White
Meat Lovers = Black
Veggie with jalapenos and/or pineapple = Indian
Plain Cheese and a pitcher of water = Cheap Bastards
Lots and lots of ranch = Under 18 or Super White Trash
1/2 Carafe of wine or pitcher of beer per person = Red Flag For Alcoholism ("If we were alcoholics, we would've had a fifth before this." - Dave, on him & I finishing a 12 pack of miller lite during the Red Wings game last week.)

I'm reading Breaking Dawn right now. So I can say I've read them and not be obsessed with them. And I must say...Edward Cullen is not romantic. He's super creepy with his out-of-control overprotectiveness with Bella. I'm a Jacob Black fan. I know Bella becomes a vampire, haven't gotten that far in the book but I've been on Wikipedia, I know what's up. I just know her life would have been much more adventurous (and safe) if she joined the pack. Spare me the OMGZZZ Edward iz SoOoO HaWt he SPARKLZ and they are SO IN LOVE I WANT EDWARD!!!!!' It's a book. And, let's be honest, if you had a guy like that, you'd be like 'FML. He doesn't let me do ANYTHING.'

And finally, the hero of the moment, a six year old who steers a truck (Silverado, which is no joke) to safety when his dad passes out at the wheel. Amazing!