Pet Peeve - The Late-Baby Boomers

You ever have your iTunes on and, while you're doing whatever, the music plays on in the background and then you notice it and you're like "Why the HELL am I listening to this?" Just happened. Are you lonesome tonight, Elvis asked my subconscious. Yes, hence why I'm going to the bar tonight.

Anyway, the Baby Boomers are pretty much everyone born between 1946 and 1964. My folks, born in '55 and '56, aren't the stereotypical Boomer, who went to Woodstock, were politically involved in anything and took part in Beatlemania. No, they are known as Generation Jones, the apathetic pot-smokers who listened to Deep Purple. (They haven't changed much, except the pot-smoking, as far as I can tell.) I love my parents. I want to stress that. They're not horrible people. They're just overly stressed, as many blue-collar workers are in a white-collar age. The generation gap between them and myself (A Millennial going to a university to be white-collar with blue-collar, hard working parents who have a combined two years of community college between them, if that. It's a warzone.) They have kind hearts and a desire for me to live a better life than them. However. Their generation as a whole pisses me off.

They came from "The Greatest Generation", the WWII vets that make the cuddliest of grandparents. I'm pissed that someone actually gave them that name. No one else can live up to that, so that's an automatic morale killer. They gave birth to the younger Generation X-ers, the only group of people more apathetic than them, and my generation, the badasses of the world. Regardless, these bitches got everything and caused every major problem that the rest of the world has to deal with now. We're essentially picking up their mess because they didn't give a shit about anything. They lived in the brand-spanking-new 'burbs with beautiful new schools that cropped up by the hundreds. Some went off to college, some didn't, but all of them used drugs and had unGodly amounts of promiscuous sex. (My mom claims she waited until marriage. I really don't want to question the validity of that statement but really who the fuck knows?) My guess is that they did all of this to drown out the stories of food rations and saving scrap metal pieces that muddled their subconscious.

After they diddled around and discoed for the entire 1970s, when the 80s hit, it was a "No more drugs, let's have kids. But not a lot. Like maybe two. And let's move out of our lowly suburbs we grew up in into McSubdivisions with hour-long commutes from exurbia to the horrible, dangerous inner cities with the drugs and smut we moved away from." So when the kids grew up into the 90s and the economy was on its full upswing, the Boomers were like "That commute's getting pretty long so we need a comfy car. No more of those fuel-efficient Japanese cars we love. Gas is only a dollar a gallon anyway. Let's get this new thing, called a sport utility vehicle. Oh goodness it is so roomy and luxurious. I can take all the kids in the carpool to soccer practice AND fit the 24-pack of Kraft Mac & Cheese from Costco in the back too!" Ugh, I miss the 90s. I miss having money and complaining that gas was GASP a buck 25 a gallon. I don't care what they say. I'm in love with you...Bill Clinton. Who cares if you got head and people found out? You're still a badass.

The Boomers will argue that they made what we have now, and that's true, to an extent. I mean, the Boomers made computer, the Internet, cell phones, pretty much all of the modern technology that myself and everyone else cannot live without (except for my mom, who needs instruction on starting up Microsoft Word). For all the good they did, they left a lot of shit for us to work on. They started voter apathy. Back in the day, before Vietnam and Watergate, a much higher percentage of people voted. Then politicians fucked up in front of everyone and Baby Boomers, who didn't give a shit to begin with, really started to not give a shit. That just pisses me off because, 100 years ago, women fought their asses off to give us the right to vote. On Election Day 2004, my first election I was old enough to participate in, my mom, who is still a registered voter, was like "Oh yeah, about that. I don't know enough about the candidates." Not informed? Really? Do you watch TV? (Yes she does. She's seen every episode of Little House on the Prairie 20 times and has favorite Maury episodes. Wouldn't kill you to turn the national new on once in a while.) Insert brief, and biased, explanation of each candidate, plus the fact that we live in a blue state, my father is a union worker and her oldest daughter is a liberal-leaning moderate who, for the most part, votes Democrat. "I don't feel like it." I'll drive you. "Then they're going to send me jury summons." You and Dad send in your hearing tests and you're good to go. "No." Really, Mom? What the f.

She also doesn't believe global warming is happening. Last time I checked the summer trend has been sunny in the morning, overcast by dinner and torrential thunderstorms at night. "But it still snows in the winter, so clearly the planet isn't warming up." I do love my mom but when she utters such misinformed comments like that it makes me want to punch her square in the teeth.

And now there's the impending Social Security crisis. They're going to start bitching that they don't want to work anymore but tough shit. They didn't do anything to fix the system that was bound to become unsustainable and now I don't think they deserve the monthly check that no one in their right mind can live off of these days. They'll probably spend it on pointless shit unnecessary for survival anyway. Brats.

Business suggestion for the Millenials: go into the funeral home or cremation service business. Grim and gross to think about, yes, but the Boomers are going to be peacing out soon enough. Then the next crisis comes: what the fuck are we going to lay all these folks to rest? (So weird to think about. Ugh.) If that's too much, try the step in between: adult day care and rest home reform. We're going to need a lot more of these in 15, 20 years from now. You know those old abandoned schools that had to be closed after 1982 because all the Boomers graduated from high school? Bingo! Welcome to Washington Elementary Assisted Living.

That's also weird to think about, my folks being old. Like real old. Like they've got the salt-and-pepper hair and a little bit of wrinklege going on, but they can still do stuff by themselves. I can't imagine a time that they're going to have to have me clean up after them. Well, not usually. Let me tell you, though, when they get upset at me for being a college kid, spending money I don't have on beer and Buffalo Wild Wings, the thought of a not-so-nice rest home always puts me at ease.